I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been pushing everyone away slowly. I've gotten a few text messages from old friends today and last night telling me how much they wish I'd stop doing this to them. I don't know how it came to me pushing, and pulling away, from everyone. I guess I've screwed up thinking I was irreplaceable... In the meantime I've been hurting more than myself...
Like... This message made me cry, I just feel like I can't fix it at all, and it's killing me not to, because I'm bad about spinning the situation around onto someone else when they're upset/mad at me. "Dear Sara,
You know I adore you,You know aim Always there for you and I'm Always Wanting to protect you. But I don't know What I have Done And I'm Sorry For whatever I did But Ignoring me is the wrong thing to do. I never ignored you. If This is the end, Girly, Your Secrets are Safe With Me I will never tell a Soul. Ever. I love you girly... I don't want this to be the end And I can Already feel myself slipping. You have been what holds me up from that Pit. I don't want this to be the end, you're so important to me. You're My rock. Just Remember I adore You so much <3"
And this one last night from Bethany.. She didn't do anything wrong. I just pushed her away, not on purpose I just kind of kept telling myself it was alright to back out now. "Are we ok now? I am like...SO board without you to talk too, like...you have no idea...I'm like dead to the world. I know I've been a bitch but in my defence, I have been stressed and extremely put down by a lot in life and I didn't complained about it as much before because I always had you to cheer me up, but now I don't... I know it's my fault and I NEVER should have started this whole stupid mess, but I can't go back to fix this... if I could, 100% I would... I hope you accept my apology because I'm extremely sorry and miss talking to you so much..."
I feel like I'm the bitch. It's not either of their faults... We were all so close, Bethany and I told each other everything, same with Jaley. I mean from deep secrets to things I've never let anyone else know about me. I guess I don't know how to fix them- I have a damn ego that gets in the way of everything... Just shoot me now, please. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore.